|
- Coping with an illness or death during college
|
|
Dear Friend,
Whether you are a college student with a loved one who is ailing or deceased or you have a friend who is going through this experience, I have offered some advice below about some things that may help.
What to expect:
You will likely feel as though you are the only person on your campus, who is coping with illness or death. While few share their experiences with others, you are not alone. 35-48% of college students have lost a family member or close friend within the last 2 years.
One student shared that "[He is] searching for others who have struggled with the same feelings; who have, like [him], felt alone in my grief"
Another student wrote once that "[She] experienced so much emotional, mental, and physical duress from the loss of [her] mother to lung cancer."
It is very difficult to cope with grief during the college years, because:
- There is so much academic pressure.
- You are away from home for the first time.
- You may be too far from home to travel to your loved one or family.
- Developmentally, you are trying to gain autonomy from your parents.
- “College is supposed to be the ‘best four years of your life’.”
- Friends and faculty are often insensitive and tell you to “move on.”
Therefore, the loss of a loved one can result in a decline in academic performance, social anxiety, sleep disturbances, depression, and in some cases, serious mental illness. If you feel as though you are experiencing some of these more serious problems, you may want to consider speaking with a mental health professional. Contact us if you need help finding one in your area.
What you can do:
Share your feelings with a friend or friends that you trust (maybe someone who has gone through a similar experience, “who understands”). This may or may not be in a support group setting. It's ok to be sad and you need to be able to talk to someone at school that you can trust.
If you are a friend of a grieving student, listen to them when they need someone to talk to, let them know that you are here to talk any time they need to talk, and remember that grief lasts much longer than most people who haven't experienced grief would expect.
If you are interested in talking with a professional counselor, then try it and see what it’s like. Contact us if you need help finding one in your area.
Participate in a walk or fundraiser in honor of your ill or deceased loved one with a couple of friends. Fundraisers help me to feel like I'm doing something positive.
Go home when you want to. If you feel like going home to see your loved ones, you should. But if you want some space at school, which is normal, then stay at school.
Make sure your teachers know at the beginning of the semester what you are going through, so that nothing is unexpected.
Begin to reach out to others. The most therapeutic and rewarding thing to do during an illness or following a loss is to help others who are going through a similar experience. Starting a chapter of AMF at Georgetown helped me to find other people that knew what I was going through and also gave me the opportunity to honor my mom.
How AMF can help:
1) If you feel as though you are at the point where you want to start reaching out to others, contact us (click here) about starting a chapter of Students of AMF on your campus. Not only will it help you, but it will help dozens on your campus. We are here to make the process as easy as possible.
2) Go to www.studentsofamf.org/forum to share a story or experience on our Online Forum or just go there to read other's stories and experiences. Your post may be able to help someone at a really difficult time in their life.
3) We can help you to organize a Boot Camp 2 Beat Cancer in your hometown to raise money for cancer research and to support college students affected by cancer in honor of your loved one. Click here to receive info about holding a boot camp!
4) AMF is the most important thing in my life. I have spent the last 3 years researching and developing AMF as well as emailing and chatting with hundreds of students. Please email (david@studentsofamf.org) or call me (919-810-0453) if you would like to talk.
What AMF has done for our members:
"Coming back to school was a difficult transition, but AMF helped me to get through it."
"AMF gave me an outlet for me to express my emotions during my mother’s cancer that I was bottling inside."
"I have been able to reduce stress by letting go in the support group meetings"
"AMF has helped me confront my grief and meet many kindred souls that I have grown close to."
"AMF is an integral part of my grieving process, I’m not sure what I’d do without it."
"The support group meetings have helped so much; it is comforting to know other people have the same thoughts."
"I hope that everyone who would benefit from AMF can do so."
"I felt so relieved after the first meeting and thought, 'wow, other people get it.'"
"The service projects help us to be proactive and help to prevent other people from having to go through the same experiences."
"The projects bring my friends into AMF and open up an opportunity to talk about this part of my life."
"It is so helpful to know that there is an entire community here at Georgetown who is behind us."
"AMF has done so much for me this past year; I was really nervous before the first support group meeting, but once I took the first step the benefit was clear."
"The day we went to the lung cancer race in memory of my dad was one of my best since the day he passed away."
"Words could never begin to explain the impact this group has had on my life this year."
"The day my dad died my life changed, and the day I met all of you it did the same."
|
|
