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Stressing Laughter
By Earl Grollman
Bereaved people tell me how uncomfortable they are when they begin to smile again. They may feel guilty and disloyal, as if participating in an act of betrayal.
On the face of it, grief and laughter are the opposite poles of human feelings. Yet they are inextricably bound. Laughter permits you to approach grief, reduce it to size, and manage loss effectively. Like a safety valve, humor offers a shift in perspective and energy that restores a sense of balance.
It’s ok to laugh again. It’s good spiritually. Proverbs (15:3) tells us, “A merry heart doth good like medicine.”
It’s good psychologically. Sigmund Freud wrote, “Humor is a defense mechanism that allows people to face difficult situations without being overwhelmed.” Humor vents anger and despair, liberates hidden emotions, and promotes healing.
Laughter is good medically. The Journal of the American Medical Association emphasizes the therapeutic value of humor. Laughter loosens muscles, enhances circulation, and triggers the body’s natural pain killers. It works without bad side effects.
Ask yourself these two questions: By denying yourself pleasure, are you commemorating appropriately your loved one’s memory? Wouldn’t your loved one want you to savor life and live as fully as possible?
Your loved one is dead, but you are still alive. Smiling and enjoying parts of life is not an indication that you loved less. It is your determination to affirm life, a true testimonial to your loved one. It’s okay to laugh again.
John F. Kennedy said, “There are three things that are real: God, human tragedy, and laughter. Since we cannot understand completely the first two, we must do with the third: laughter.”
Cry when you must; laugh when you can.